Change your life before your life will change you

“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.” Alan Watts

Just a few months ago at the doors of the new year someone asked me, what are your next year goals?

Suddenly, I felt a burning feeling in my gut, as if somebody gave me terrible news. Indeed, there was something terrible about it. I realized that I had no purpose in my life at that present moment. I didn’t have any real goals, I was dragged by external factors and I had no vision for what I really wanted to do in the future.

At that moment, I touched the bottom and I started to realize how bad it was. This has been the beginning of a new chapter. I suddenly started to gain consciousness about my inner absence and felt the urgency for a change, a significant one.

Two immediate things that I realized were: stop wasting my time on external factors and start working on my inner self.

I was urged to come out of the shadow room that I had furnished for years, what we could call the comfort zone.

If you are reading this article it’s because you are probably seeking a change, you may be in the midst of the process, you just transitioned from it or probably none of these reasons, but still, I would like to share with you some learning and work in progress that is effectively shedding a light into my life right now.

I hope this can help you find a starting point.

Let’s start from the basics.

What’s my life purpose?

Of course, like the majority of the global population I had little clarity about that. And this question was making me very uncomfortable until recently when I turned the question upside down.

What could I regret having not tried to accomplish?

Imagine interviewing yourself in ten years, it might not be easy to envision your future but we can go for exclusion.

That’s easier, right?

This question has been a key to my future vision and getting closer to my life purpose. It allowed me to demystify all the confusing thoughts as a very first step.

This question was simpler to answer, and I started to list all the things that came to my mind, freely, with no judgment from my ego or external elements. I realized that the only way to answer effectively was using ambition and wide imagination.

My list included things like not achieving my dreams as a young, healthy, creative person. “External” desires such as becoming a big wave pro surfer, a photographer, a writer, an entrepreneur or a transformational coach, perhaps an artist? why not?

As well as “internal” desires, such as living my life free from societal patterns, external judgment, comparison and negativity that could prevent me from expanding my energy infinitely.

These elements were now in front of me like ingredients for a gourmet dinner.

Guess what, by only excluding what I don’t want, I gathered food for thoughts, igniting creativity and curiosity to try new experiences, again. A great feeling that I neglected for a long time.

Now, knowing what we don’t want to miss out, how should we define our purpose?

In the last 2-3 years I gave 100% of myself to a competitive sales job to prove that I was able to succeed in adverse situations, out of my comfort zone while achieving financial stability.

To be fair, my oldest friends would have never imagined that I could succeed in such a tough, self centered environment.

Being a rather introverted person and a highly spiritual person, it took me some time to accept this challenge.

It was completely against my own nature, my past personality and my deeper dreams.

I made it through, I finally accomplished the goal that I wanted to achieve. I got recognized, promoted, and succeeded in my personal challenge.

There has been a hidden trade off though, not only to a mental and physical stress that brought me to burnouts, I also realized that I have lost my dreams, I could barely see them through memories of the past.

I realized how I swapped my spiritual consciousness for common societal approval just to feel “normal” and experiencing what could be my life lived for the expectations of somebody or something else (society, social status, family, conformity).

It’s been great, because now I can be honest to myself without any external influences.

I know how I don’t want to live my life and what to live for instead.

Long story short, I found the strength to look beyond wide acceptance to reconnect to my original self. The person who was not afraid to push the boundaries unconsciously and naively.

I already took off to a different dimension that has no space and time. It’s an inner journey that is allowing me to clarify my purposes and direction.

And yes, you can start as well whenever you feel ready. The secret is meditation.

There are no jokes about that, the power of your mind can bring you to the farer horizons. You have access to it at any time with no costs, it’s about you, if and how you want to embrace it.

(check the link …. that I wrote)

You are not alone, there is no need to feel weak or trying to be a hero. Ego does not belong in this journey.

One of the reasons for a radical change could have been triggered by a traumatic event that scrambled your rhythms.

Seeking support is essential to succeed in this journey. There are many ways to open yourself to the help of others.

As the wound is open, let yourself go to somebody who can ease the pain.

Traditional therapies or more innovative ways can make a huge difference to the outcome of your journey.

Some may prefer doing it with close friends or family first but it will probably not help them in the path of finding their own purpose.

“If you only read the books that everyone is reading, you can only think what everyone else is thinking.”

Haruki Murakami

I embraced changes putting myself out of my comfort zone several times in different situations of work, relationships, personal goals, achievements. I went through several burnouts without realizing it.

I managed to get out of it driven by my self-confidence because I knew that I could do it, and because I’ve been there before, just in other forms.

Was it worth doing it on my own?

Of course not. Because this conviction only strengthened my ego to be more resistant to changes rather than seek support when I needed it. It only slowed down the process.

Be water, be adaptable when necessary, be grateful and allow yourself to receive.

Some tips to keep in mind:

I found my purpose again and I’m working on how I will make it happen now.

Finding your purpose can be difficult. There are several methods and frameworks that can help you find it.

• There are plenty of tools to utilize but we can simply start acknowledging what we don’t want in our life anymore.

• Start with the basics. Breathing and meditation connect you with the present moment to clear your mind and to create intention.

• Find the way to erase emotions and specifically addictive emotions that would slow the process (hate, negativity, envy, competitiveness, judgment, etc.), acknowledge what is in your control and what is not.

• To be effective, change must come from the roots of your inner-self. If you really want to reach a new life height you must accept to take some distance from things and people who could distract you from the process. It’s hard but necessary, and must come naturally to not hurt yourself or significant others.

• Time is the most indispensable asset, be mindful of how you spend it.

• There is no right or wrong here, it’s all about flowing with your energy and enjoying the process.

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” Carl Jung

Changing is part of our nature as humans, cells, atoms. There is a much greater connection between our being and our surroundings that we are still far to comprehend.

How great is it to not know yet rather than have answers for everything?

How great is it to seek your own answers rather than feel educated, packaged and shipped?

That’s the beauty of embracing changes.

I wish you a wonderful journey.